...Especially from my brother.
However, I think there is a huge difference between being assertive and being a bitch. Now don’t get me wrong…I’m a bitch. I just thought that point should be made.
That being said, I fucking hate when old creepy guys at bars tell me to smile. Um, there’s probably a reason I’m not smiling and the reason is probably you. And if you see the need to boink me on the nose and wink, then I see the need to tell you your face looks like an uncircumcised penis.
Like I said... bitch.
I’m sorry but honestly I’m allergic to stupid.
Symptoms include (but not limited to): bitch face, possible tourette's, swift kick to the balls, irritable bowels and death (not me, oh god no, the dude.)
And if you can’t tell I’m giving you the “don’t even fucking think you have a chance” glare, then honey, yous is stupid.
I give it to the white-trash specimen that seem to ooze from dive bars. Okay, maybe the local is part of my problem, but I’d rather fend off dive bar trash than old Mexican club trash. Seriously man, those old Mexicans don’t quit.
“You have hot face. I have lots money.”
“Sure you do old Mexican man, but you smell like stale Tostitos and your 4’ 9’’ so I think I’m going to pass, but please don’t get offended when I spray mace into your eyes.”
It’s just one of my many bugaboos.
And seriously, if you want me to like you. Don’t look at me. Don’t tell me I’m cute. Don’t even pick up that damn phone to call me. Make me go crazy and I’ll be all yours. Fuck, tell me I’m crazy and I’ll be peering into your apartment window, next weekend.
...this may also have something to do with my attraction to assholes...I don't know...I don't know...
But hey....I’ll bring the crackers and the binoculars you bring the Easy Cheese and porn. It will be our first date.
And believe me the sex is AHHHHH-MAZ-ING. Well the sex on the porno. Real high-quality stuff there.
Believe me, I would know.