So I’ve been thinking about this lately, and I’m done. I am so done trying to be a functioning part of society, (or at least done trying to give off the illusion that I am a functioning part of society). And let’s get real, I haven’t been, for a very lonnnnnnnnng time now.
Case in point, I just got distracted for 20 minutes trying to find a new cover photo for my facebook profile. This pear next to me, that I thought would be a step in the right direction for a productive day, is missing its little sticker thingy, because I accidently ate it. I’m in a level 2-improv class for Christ’s sake!
None, none of this says, “That lady has got her shit together. She is doing so much for society when she crosses her eyes in all those facebook pictures.”
Can we all just be collectively done together? Can that be our generation’s “thing?”
Hard work and diligence sprinkled with success would be cool and all, but right now I just really want to buy a tub of vanilla ice cream and dip weird shit in it.
And it’s Thursday, so there’s an SVU marathon going on today. I literally have had to position myself with my back to my television as to not be tempted by Stabler’s siren calls. Which only leads to me looking lovingly over to the remote ever 3-to-5 minutes. This is not going well.
I know a lot of these feelings of self-defeat and pity are coming from the impending new year, and the close of an “interesting” old year. And by “interesting,” I mean a huge fucking slap in the face. Repeatedly.
I’m not going to sit here and say, “2013, I’ma make you my bitch!” Cause that’s not going to happen.
Instead I’m going to buy a keg, throw a party with my roommate, get all dolled up, and be surrounded by friends that I love and cherish, and have them tell me that I’m doing a great job with all my endeavors, as I ralph into the guest toilet.
I want to welcome the New Year with open arms (and a little bit of vomit), and make it fully aware of the state that I am in.
I have no expectations anymore, and I don’t mean that in a sad self-pitying way. I mean it in a guarded, I don’t want to get fucked over again way. I’m learning that I am constantly getting stuck in a certain path for my personal life, and when I am forced to deviate from that path, I freak the fuck out.
This is me letting go.
I’m done. I’m done trying to force things to happen. I’m done trying to be a functioning part of society. I’m done with caring what other people think. But mostly, I’m done with getting in my own way.
I’ma let go, 2013. I’ma let go and get hammered in that sexy backless dress, which means I will be entering the New Year braless. No expectations, no resolutions, no bra, just you and me, 2013.
Actually I take that back, I have one simple resolution: to find Donald Glover, woo him, and become the most influential interracial couple since Heidi Klum and Seal.