Nothing like attending a wedding to get you thinking about your own.
Now, I've written about my dream wedding before, which included but is not limited to, me drunkenly screaming, "I'm not a virgin!"/ Tripping over my dress... repeatedly/bouquets of Keystone Light cans and glow sticks. Oh, and there may have been a few stripper poles involved too...I don't know...I don't know.
But in all honesty, I want to elope. (Bitch said what?!?)
For two reasons really. First off, to me that is just such an intimate moment between two people, and as much as I love and want my family and friends to be apart of that moment, I'd rather share that moment with my man in private... and get hammered with my family and friends immediately afterward.
And secondly, my dad said he would cut us a pretty massive check that would have been used to pay for the wedding.
Uh...Score.
You know how much useless shit I could but with that money?!? Sooooooooo much.
Now don't get me wrong, there will be a huge ass reception. And it will be trashy and raunchy and I will be shitfaced...and screaming, "I'm still not a virgin!"
My parents want to have it the backyard of their house. I'm kind of okay with that. (Don't tell them I said that.) There's a pool and a golf course back thurrrr. Who wouldn't want to see me fall out of a golf cart, hammered, and get my dress get caught up in the wheel, leaving me forced to shimmy out of my Vera Wang (Dream big.) dress and drunkenly stagger back to the backyard half-naked, only to park myself (still half-naked) to the nearest keg, as if nothing had happened?
And let's be honest, we alllllllllllll know that is exactly what's going to happen.
Either that, or I'm going to fall into the pool, repeatedly.
I'm okay with either scenarios. Or both. Both would be pretty funny too.
Side note, future Natalie: Wear a bra under your wedding dress. Even if there is a built-in bra in the dress. Wear a bra! I know how you think, lady. You never think about the possible end results, which will be you getting hammered and half-naked at your own reception. So wear a fucking bra!
This is how I see it. The wedding is for you and your lady/man/lady-man. The reception is for your guests. They want to be fed alcohol/cake/some beef and chicken thing and entertained, god dammit! Entertained! And if that includes me somehow staggering from keg to keg in my own backyard, half-naked, then so be it.
I think I'm going to have to find a very distinct type of man to be okay with this whole situation...and my general being...
I hear I clean up pretty well, gentlemen.
"Why can't you just find a nice Jewish boy to marry already?"
"Because, Mother. The last Jewish guy I was with was a 26-year old lawyer with a coke addiction."
...This might take a while.