Like seriously, I don't.
"Go on," you say? Go on I will indeed.
1. I've done a jig, naked, before sex and said, "You're about to have sex with this."
2. On numerous occasions, I've crossed my eyes and distorted my face to look mentally unstable and said, "You have sex with this," while playing with some type of wire of sort...
3. I've done the whole, "smoke a cigarette after sex" thing. But only because while I was smoking it, I was thinking, "Holy shit, that was the worst sex of my life."
4. I've punched a guy during sex. Totally on accident, I swear! We laughed about it later, but for realz, I like punched the shit out of his jaw.
5. I have fallen off the bed during sex...multiple times...sober.
6. I'm pretty sure I raped a guy once...well, it was consentual but he just looked like he wanted to cry the whole time. And I vaguely remember saying, "I feel like I'm raping you."
7. "Am I too small?"
"Um.....You're........um....let's just have sex."
8. I'll pretend to sleep late in the morning so we don't have time to mess around in the morning.
9. Have you ever gotten your hair stuck on a bed frame and not realize it until it was...well...too late? I have. More than once.
10. I was hooking up with this one dude a few years back, and I called him so many different names when we hung out that I didn't know what to call him during sex....so I just switched up the names during sex... Like all five of them.
There's more, but I feel like I should stop here...I would like to get laid again at some point in the future...