Why don't they make mayo flavored candles?!?!
...by the way, the candle smelled like Type 2 diabetes, so yes...I was pleased.
Oh wait? What is that? Mayo? In a bag?!?! It's all the rage in London.
That's dog shit! Well not really, it's just chocolate...I hope...because I definitely still ate it.
Actually, I lied...it's a glob of melted meth in a christmas bag. It. Was. Awesome.
You little fucker, Monte. You're cute as hell but you're basically a demon spawn, that I love. Monte is a dog, btw.
I will say this Monte, I am impressed by your ability to shit into a bag...few possess such talent. You have a gift my friend, don't hide it under a bushel basket!
Oh Hellmann, you do bring out the best...the best in ME!
Why yes...that is Dora the Explorer. And why yes...I did proclaim, "What the fuck?!" When I saw Dora's whorish eyes staring back at me when I opened the gift.
Oh wait, what's that Dora? You say you brought me gifts? Now what could a little whore like yourself give a drunk? Check your backpack? Well fuck a duck. I did want two 24 ounce Michelob Ultra cans! I really did!!!
Side note: I was plastered by 2 p.m. and spilling beer on myself by 8 p.m. pretty sure my dad said something along the lines of "Well Nat's been throwing back the beers since twelve...I couldn't be prouder."
So yes...Christmas was awesome.