I always fall for assholes. Like, it never fails; any guy that I find myself fawning over is a jackass, with an inflated ego as big as Heidi Montag’s plastic tits.
Their ego, only adds more zing to their assholeness, since most of these guys see Kevin Bacon when they look into the mirror, when in fact they actually look like John C. Reily…
Side note... I actually think John C. Reily is good looking.
What? I go for personality, not looks. Maybe that’s my issue.
And I’ve finally realized there is only room for one asshole in my life: me.
I would like to date guys with a higher capacity for words with more than 2 syllables. I would like to date a guy that knows how to pronounce syllable. I would like to bone a man that doesn’t have to ask me for the correct definition of humble, as they preen themselves in front of a full-length mirror. Men that think expiration dates on condoms “are just suggestions.”
Men who don’t say to me, “Your body could use some work.” Oh really? Cause your “techniques” could use some work. And when I say some, I mean a lot. And when I say a lot, I mean you have a butt face. And when I say butt face, I mean your penis looks like a camel toe. And when I say camel toe I fucking hate you! You dipshit.
Men, who take more than me just flashing my boobs to make them forget whatever he was yelling at me for. And lastly, men who get my humor, and actually think I’m funny, cause let’s be honest we all know I’m hilarious.
So as you may have assumed, this is my official resignation of dating assholes, screwing assholes, and hooking up with assholes. Well, unless I’m drunk, then it’s anyone’s game quite honestly.
I’ll never forgive you, Tiger. Never.