And just to clarify, that's two chicken burritos paired with two corn dogs, so yes, a total of four artery clogging food-ish substances entering my black hole of a mouth on a daily basis at the mere age of 11.
If that isn't the early stages of comedic writing gold... I don't know what the fuck is.
Did I mention I was fat when I was younger? This probably was part of the reason why I didn't want to go outside very often, but who knows, I'm swayed pretty easily by food. Put a corn dog on a string and I would (will) have followed it anywhere.
Now would I have caught up to it? Absolutely not. Speed has never been my forte.
I don't know why, but I always feel the need to clarify how fat I used to be. Well not even just how fat I was (and could potentially be again) but I feel the need to clarify about everything gross about myself.
"You always make weird faces in pictures, Natalie."
Why, you ask? Oh it is definitely because I used to hide my fugly teeth by averting ones attention to my cross eyed googly face. Don't worry, I've gotten corrective adult braces since then, so now the googly face is just out of habit, but damn.... I make a mean cross eyed googly face.
What's that thing on your foot?
It's a wart.
Why are you always naked?
I probably haven't done laundry in a month... Probably.
Hair on big toes?
I'm for it!
Nature?
Fuck it.
I like people knowing exactly what they are getting with me, yet at the same time, I'm constantly told I am a hard person to truly get to know. It probably has something to do with the fact that deep down, I'm at my happiest when I'm alone.
It's a gift really. You try finding the perfect balance between utter disgust and sex appeal. No seriously, find the perfect balance and get back to me because I could really use some help in the dude department.