Six o' clock in the morning, and I'm peeing in the shitty bathroom on the Megabus...

This is where i am in my life. Jealous?

I turn to look for the hand sanitizer, there is none.

"Awesome."

I take this as a defining moment of who I am as a person... Not washing your hands (especially in a public restroom) is fucking icky. Seriously, dudes. You touch your penis while doing your business, and you don't wash your hand(s).

...Gross.

I do a quick 360 around the toilet, well... in front of the toilet with my jeans still at my ankles and there I see it, the window... With a car filled with 3 men peering in from outside said window.

"God fucking dammit."

When did the Megabus start putting windows in their fucking bus bathrooms? Who was the fucking jackass who thought a bathroom on a moving double-decker bus was in dire need of a window... With fucking curtains?!?

"Listen, listen, listen! If we put a window in the bathroom on the bus it will be much more ascetically pleasing, plus you may get a glimpse at a few lady parts from outside if you time it just right."

"Sold!"

Sometimes I feel like I'm stuck in my own shitty sitcom...sans laugh track. There shall never be a laugh track in my life... I have some dignity god dammit.

Case in point, I ate a roast beef sandwich at seven in the morning on that bus. The hot black dude sitting next to me ate a banana. We both acknowledged and judged one anothers choices.

I like to think dignity and utter disgust can frolic amongst one another rather harmoniously. They don't, I just like to think that.

I took a trip home to clear my head but I think it just reaffirmed how not okay I am, which is always easier to swallow when your parents buy 3 cases of Michelob Ultra for your impending arrival. 

I guess this is just one of those moments where I have to admit to myself and to others that I really am not okay, and I don't know when I will be. And it sucks. 

It suckity, suck, sucks.

But it's reassuring to know that this feeling will one day end, until then...I'm shoving a shit ton of Michelob, mayo, and Mcdonald's down my gullet.

I like to think that overeating and skinniness can frolic amongst one another rather harmoniously. They don't I just like to think that.