My New Years was pretty epic and while yes I will write more about the actual night in the next few days seeing as its riddled with shit-showness and alcohol abuse, I have to take a second just to state how mother-god-damn-fucking happy I am right now.
And while yes I know that this moment is inevitably fleeting… there seriously is nothing quite as satisfying as the validation one can be given about their “less than stellar” life choices through pure monumental bliss.
I’m not saying I have finally gotten my shit together, because actually it’s quite the opposite. I’m a shit-show, sober and/or drunk. But I have finally accepted that that is who I am…a shit-show. A pretty hilarious shit-show if I do say so myself.
I’ve made some stupid choices in my life. Said some stupid comments. Done some stupid things. (I accidently shot hair spray in my eyes yesterday. I don’t think that really needs any explanation.) But they’ve all lead me to this moment of clarity, and for that I will be forever grateful.
And that’s why my new years resolution is to never forget this feeling. Even after I’m plastered, bawling in the corner of my bathroom because he broke my heart (that was years ago…but who am I kidding… it will happen again). Or when my “perfectly timed black joke” fails on stage. Or… when I accidently spray hairspray directly into my eyes in front of multiple people, only to fall on my ass because I’m laughing so hard at my own stupidity.
I’ve never wanted to be weirder more in my life, than this moment right now. You never remember the normal people in your life, but always the weird ones. And that fact alone will keep me happy for years….well that and industrial sized vats of mayo.
SCHAZAM!
And now to hold you all over until my next post, I have taken the time to jot down some of the epic things said between my friends and I on that lovely night we like to call New Years Eve. I will let you decide which ones I said:
“That dudes hot.”
“Yeah, I like his chucks. And by chucks I mean his penis.”
“Our priest’s name is father “who touches little boys.”
“I specifically remember thinking if I go to sleep tonight… I will die.”
“He got tipped over 50 dollars and received a slew a highly sexually comments directed at his penis… so yes… he had a good night.”
“BBBBBBBGGGGGGGGGIIIIIIIIIIFFFFFFFFFF!” (Black. Guy. I’d. Fuck….a term I created that urbandictionary.com still won’t recognize….assholes.)
“I remember thinking…if Kerry left she would have grabbed her coat…but it was still there.”
“And I thought… I’ll grab my coat after I find Natalie.”
“Our drunken logic is magical.”
“She’s a NYC girl she’ll find her way home…I want McDonalds.”
“She's dead let's just move on its what Natalie would have wanted.”
Texts I received that night after I was able to recharge my phone that :
“Oh hey. Where the fuck are you?”
“Natalie…where the heck are you…Kerry came home with us cause she lost you…if you need a way home call us an we will get you home…please call us.”
…yeah….it’s a good fucking story.
HAPPY NEW YEAR, FUCKERS.