It never fails, I seriously attract the craziest motherfuckers out there. Granted, living in NYC isn't exactly helping the situation, but COME ON.
Case in point, let's just look at a snippet of a convo I had with a lovely old-lady customer at urban outfitters the other day. Now read carefully, because she starts all sweet and old-lady like, but it does not end that way.
Crazy Old Lady: I love your shirt!
Me: Why thank you!
Crazy Old Lady: Such a beautiful shirt for a beautiful girl.
Me: Why thank you!
Crazy Old Lady: So what do you do?
Me: Uh...this.
Crazy Old Lady: Did you go to college?
Me: I did.
Crazy Old Lady: And this is the best you can do?
Me: Well...I'm also a nanny...
Crazy Old Lady: Back in my day, ladies didn't go to college to get a job like this.
Me: I see.
Crazy Old Lady: Yep. You'd graduate high school, get a sales job, then marry a boy.
Me: In a perfect world.
Crazy Old Lady: You girls now. You're all stupid. You know you have the ultimate power right?
Me: I do?
Crazy Old Lady: It's right here. (Motions to her lady parts.)
Me: Oh that. I was aware of that.
Crazy Old Lady: Boys think you all are all soooooo easy...and desperate.
Me: Wait? We aren't?
Crazy Old Lady: You'll never get married if you put out.
Me: Wait? I won't?!?
Crazy Old Lady: Have you heard of a "hump and dump?"
Me: I have not. ( I have by the way...who the fuck hasn't.)
Crazy Old Lady: It's when the boy takes you out, humps you, then dumps you.
Me: Oh.
Crazy Old Lady: Do not "hump and dump."
Me: I'll make a note of that.
Crazy Old Lady: Seriously, don't. You want to get married right?
Me: Meh, we'll see what happens.
Crazy Old Lady: You girls need to get your priorities in check.
Me: Probably.
Crazy Old Lady: Well if all else fails do some Zumba.
Me: I will!
Crazy Old Lady: Really?
Me: No.
Crazy Old Lady: Hah! You're a funny girl. (Looks me up and down.) But you really should look into Zumba. Goodnight!
Uh...yeah...cause that's a normal conversation to have with a complete stranger.