So, um lately I’ve realized that the noises I make while I’m exercising are the same exact noises I make while having sex.
A lot of moaning and grunting, a couple of “Jesus Christ!” and “Mother fucker(s)!” and the occasional “Where are my pants?”
….That’s weird right? Since one of those things is a pleasurable experience and one makes me want to (and I usually do) vomit.
I’ll let you decide which one is which.
The similarities are uncanny. I have wrinkles. WRINKLES mother fuckers! From the faces I make during sex/running/watching HGTV. I’m 22, this is not fucking fair.
And the end result is always the same; a little dazed and confused (great movie btw) unsure of my current surroundings and with the insatiable craving for skittles.
I feel like you’ll appreciate my candor, so I’m just going to say this flat out. This scares the living shit out of me. And it leaves only one necessary question in my mind…why the fuck do I always want skittles?
Seriously, I’m not that big of a fan. I’m more of a Zero bar type of girl. Their commercials are so fucking annoying, but it never fails once the deed(s) is done, I want a skittle in my mouth. And I want it in my mouth immediately.
Maybe it’s a white girl thing.
What doesn’t scream upper white middle class than popping a few skittles after marathon training/emotionless sex/playing wii golf? And by skittles I mean xanex and by xanex I mean exactly.
And furthermore, to make myself feel like less of a freak, I’m going to say that people who don’t do this are un-American. No worse than that, anti-American. No…worse than that….liberal hippie douches.
Yeah, that’s right, you liberal hippie douche, you. So while you go and rally to get “Free Bird” as America’s new national anthem, while you drink your PBR and pretend that you actually like the taste. I’ll go live in my diluted sense of reality and continue to ignore my uncontrollable sexual/exercising/bodily functions induced tourettes and finish with a tall, cool bag of skittles.
There. We both win. You freak.