I’m back. And I really mean it this time.
I’ve been on a forced creative hiatus for the past couple of months, and when I say forced hiatus, I mean I’ve been lazy. Super fucking lazy. Honestly, I think I forgot that I was a comedic writer, a humorist, some might say….a lady who fucks up a lot and then writes about it for shits and gigs…that type of writer.
Any who, I’ve been telling myself, writer’s block has been the blame of my current writing demise but the truth is I’ve been hiding.
When I get confused, I hide. And as of lately, there have been a lot of changes in my life that have confused the fuck out of me. The main one being, a few weeks ago I was offered an actual legitimate writing gig.
Now, I currently freelance over at Maxim and Complex (What? What?!?) but this gig was different.
And when I accepted the job, I immediately felt as if I had sold my soul to the devil. Not a good sign.
One of the hardest things about living in NYC is having to constantly remind myself why I am here. It wasn’t to write. It was to recreate my world for an audience and allow them to forget their troubles while simultaneously laughing at mine.
I just want to make you laugh.
The moment an editor said in a meeting at the new writing gig, “You may violate your own ethics,” I immediately checked out. Like, I quit. Everything I hated about journalism in college came rushing back.
At first, I thought I was being a baby because the daily deadlines were so demanding, and that yeah, maybe I didn’t want to write about some actor’s swollen feet, but if there is one thing my parents have taught me that has always stuck with me, is to never compromise your own ethics.
And my only advice to you, especially if you are pursuing a creative outlet, is to never put yourself in a position where you do compromise your morals and ethics.
I quit a week after the editor brought up ethics. I couldn’t perform anymore. I hadn’t violated any of my morals yet, but the impending possibility ate me alive.
I’m a lot of terrible things: I’m vain. I’m an asshole. I’m selfish. But I will never compromise the integrity of writing. Too many have already left their horribly mark and I will not repeat the cycle…no matter how much money is thrown my way.
I’m back. And my focus is back on you. That’s what I forgot. I don’t write for myself. I write for you.