1. Smear
…Nothing good can come from “smearing” anything onto anything. Well nothing that isn’t food related. So yes, Ray Liotta…you may smear chocolate all over my body, but only if you insist.
2. Vagina
…Vaginas are icky, which is why I like to stick to my very scientific vernacular of “lady who-hahs.” Trust me…I’m a lab assistant at Mt. Sinai, and yes they all think I’m hilarious. Well all the black sassy nurses think I’m hilarious…
3. Clitoris
….Ew.
4. Tinkle
…What are you four? Any adult that uses this word in a serious manner, should be force fed lard. Immediately.
5. Moist
…This word is ONLY okay when you are talking about red velvet cake…and German chocolate cake…and Twinkies…
6. Bowel Movement
…Basically, if you this phrase in a serious matter, I would also life to force-feed you lard, because I’m assuming you use the word “tinkle” too. Don’t you?! You sadist piece of shit, you!
7. Puss
…Probably because I always accidently say “pussy” when I try to say “puss”, and then I get super embarrassed when people call me out for saying “pussy” instead of “puss.” Whatever…fuck you all! It’s still fucking gross.
8. Family
…Ew.
9. Secretion
…Things shouldn’t “secrete.” They should be “injected” with Bavarian crème…chocolate crème…. artificially enhanced lemon goo crème…
10. Babies
…This is just the most unnecessary blight on society ever created.
11. Thick
…Unless you are talking about a burger, this word has no meaning to me.
12. Prenatal
…Stop shoving your prenatal hullabaloo in our faces, assholes. (See #10) Just eat your fucking vitamins and shut the fuck up. Unless you want me (and the rest of the rational society) to ralph onto your “prenatal” stomach. Believe, I would be honored.