I am not a happy camper. There really is no other way to describe this situation.
Well… that’s not completely true.
The most accurate way to describe my current situation is, I’m a fucking alcoholic who got way too drunk last Monday and lost her fucking wallet with everything fucking in it AND just spent three hours in the fucking NY DMV (which is conveniently located in Harlem, might I add), to replace her fucking ID, so she could fucking drink again (in social outings that is), only to be given a temporary ID that doesn’t have a fucking photo on it!
Oh, no. No. No. No. No.
The NY DMV sends your photo ID in the mail…two weeks later. Which is cool, if you want to be a fucking douche.
And honestly I wouldn’t really care, (again, another lie, I will always care if it gets in the way of my alcoholic tendencies), if St. Patrick’s Day wasn’t 3 fucking days away!
Why? Why?!?!? Why not just give me the photo ID immediately, NY DMV? I mean come on, you already made me get up 3 hours before my normal wake-up time. And I just loved pretending like I wasn’t getting catcalled in Spanish Harlem while talking to my mother on the phone at 8:30 in the morning.
And then the waiting, oh mother of god, the fucking waiting. Three fucking hours. You took away three beautiful hours from me, NY DMV, three fucking hours on a beautiful mother fucking day, that I could have been fucking sleeping through!
If there is one thing you should know about me NY DMV, don’t fucking mess with my cat-like sleeping patterns… or my obsessive mayo consumption… or my ability to buy alcohol whenever the fuck I damn well please.
Okay, so there are at least three things you should know about me. You thoroughly fucked up two of the three. (I’ve marked my mayo jar, NY DMV; don’t even think of stealing from my stash!)
Obviously, I’m a little distraught at the moment. I think it’s from lack of sleep. (Or withdrawal symptoms?) I don’t know. Fuck it. I do know that there is one particular Department of Motor Vehicles that shall be receiving a sternly worded letter (and a bag full of shit) in the very near future.
Unless I receive my ID in the mail before St. Patrick’s day, then you guys are the bestest! The choice is yours NY DMV.