I once knew a man with a penis;
That wasn’t quite smooth from side to side.
Try as I might;
I couldn’t help but be freaked out by the sight,
By a penis that zig-zagged all throughout the night.
Creepy right? But it’s true… this guy I had “relations” with had a “zig-zaggy” penis. It made absolutely no sense. We’ve all heard of the chode…and the infamous curved penis or as I like to call Mr. Curved curvy McCurvster… but zig-zagged? A penis that not only zigged…but zagged?
This did not please me. Or should it please anyone (male or female).
I have to admit, one of the good things about being a girl, is every girl’s lady junk pretty much looks the same (for the most part). Well…until you have babies…and then it’s just icky.
But boys, if you have a weird penis…people are going to know… and soon.
It’s the first thing we talk about really. When I say, “what was it like?” It means penis. At least among my friends.
When I first encountered Mr. Zig-Zag I didn’t know how to explain it.
“So what was it like?”
“Um…his penis was jagged…”
“What, were there shards of glass on it?”
“…maybe?”
Words made no sense. I had to draw it. My friends hovered around me for hours as I attempted to draw this infamous…member. It soon became a terrible name game of Pictionary.
“Is it a Christmas tree?!”
“No.”
“Wait! Wait! Wait! It’s a lightening bolt, isn’t it!?”
“No.”
“Charlie Brown?”
“God damnit….no.”
In the end, the best way to describe Mr. Zig-zag, was that well, the penis did in fact zig and then zagged. Picture three square boxes stacked on top of each other and then someone accidently pushed them off kilter, but was too lazy to straighten the boxes back to their normal position.
…and that’s how anatomy was explained to me in Catholic school.
But hey, let’s give Jesus a break, he has to make a lot of dicks everyday… not every man’s boinking-membobber can be perfect.
Am I right ladies? Am I right?
I think I am….gentleman.