My parents think I’m disgusting. I don’t know why though.
However, I will say this: if it was socially acceptable to not brush my teeth on a regular basis…I so wouldn’t.
Gah. It’s just so fucking annoying, and you have to do it like what? Four days a week? Jesus Christ, it’s like a fucking full-time job.
Next thing you’ll tell me, I’m supposed to lather, rinse and REPEAT. Um, fuck that noise.
And don’t even get me started on deodorant. Am I right McConaughey? Am I right? It’s a biological fact that we all have a specific scent, and we are thus attracted to other people’s specific scents.
By covering our body with unnatural scents like cologne/ perfume/ febreeze we have unintentionally continued the vicious cycle of divorce/failure/Jenny Craig.
You can fake happiness all you want, but in god’s name, you better not fake your own goddamn scent.
Doesn’t the percentage of marriages that end in divorce make so much more sense now? Lying about our scents has forced us to lie to our significant others about monogamy/your late night trip to Quiznos /your penis size, until we wake up one morning to the musty smell of lies and flatulence.
“I think we need a divorce.”
“What? Why?”
“You smell like dick.”
All weather is lie-related. Don’t you get it? Denial causes lightning; masking a scent causes humidity. Just look at the world you’ve creating by just applying deodorant once a day. Can you live with yourself? I sure hell hope you can’t.
Don’t act like you’re so surprised, you knew what you were doing every time you sprayed your cologne/perfume you fascist bastard. Complaining about this heat wave? Oh wait; it’s your fucking fault.
I just blew your mind didn’t I?
Good.